Confessions of The Firstborn (new version)
by i.paint.the.sky
Summary: Years after Voldemort's defeat, Draco decides the time has come for him to look into the life of one of the most mysterious members of his family: his older sister. This is a re-write of the original Confessions of the Firstborn story.


**Note:** I originally wrote this story in early 2004, when I was in high school. Since then, the story has continuously gotten hits and recognition, which I have always been proud of. However, since I have grown as a writer since those days, looking back at the story myself has become difficult because there is so much I would like to do differently, not to mention the fact that two more iHarry Potter/i books have now been published. And so I have decided to embark upon a complete re-write. Major plot points will likely remain but the execution is going to be very different and there will be some other aspects which are added or removed.

If you wish to read the original story, you can find it in my user profile. I will not be removing it, because even with all its flaws it still holds a very dear place in my heart.

* * *

**Chapter One: Field Of Innocence**

It was late at night when he crept out of his bedroom and down the hall, towards the door at the farthest end of the manor. He opened it carefully, hoping that it wouldn't make a sound. Chance was on his side apparently, as it opened smoothly and silently, despite the years of disuse. Inside, the air was thick and stale, full of dust and memories.

Draco knew he wasn't supposed to be here; Father had always explicitly forbidden it. Granted that had been a long time ago – back before the return of the Dark Lord, before the war changed everyone's lives forever – but that didn't mean that Lucius' opinion had changed. Even after everything his family had gone through, this was one subject they never talked about.

But there were days when he couldn't help but wonder about it, about _her_ and the secrets this room held. And so he stepped inside and closed the door behind him, all this scuttling about making him feel like a boy again instead of the man he was trying to be.

Scattered throughout the room were books and clothes and other belongings. He hadn't been in this room for at least eleven years now but it looked just the same. Except, of course, for the thick layer of dust which coated everything; everything, that is, except for the bed which, oddly enough, seemed to have been made recently. Draco stood beside it for a moment, frowning. He had no idea what exactly that meant. But that wasn't what he was here for and so eventually he moved on, going instead towards the darkest corner of the room, where the door to the closet lay in wait. He gripped the handle tight and pulled once, then twice, before it swung open with a low groan.

He stood still and closed his eyes for a moment, calling up the memories of the child he once was a lifetime or two ago. He could see the shelf far above his head, his target just peaking over the edges. It had been at the back; or so he believed, though it was so long ago he wasn't entirely certain.

"Lumos," he said softly, raising his wand. The soft light did indeed reveal shelves at the back, partially obscured from view by a set of Hogwarts' robes. And there, on the lowest shelf, were his quarry – a set of leather bound journals with gilded pages. He reached out and took them, then quickly headed back out towards the door. Just before he left, he cast a glance around the room, making sure nothing was out of place except for the books, which he was certain no one would notice. Satisfied that he should be able to pass unnoticed, he left the room and headed back to his own.

He put most of the books under his bed, along with … other items that the house-elves were forbidden from touching. But he kept one of them, the oldest one that he recognized the least. The leather covering it was different from the others, dusty rose instead of emerald green – Slytherin green. But the name on it and on the others was the same.

_Lucia Malfoy._ His sister.

He opened the first page and began to read.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Hello Diary, it's nice to meet you. My name is Lucia and, after today, you belong to me. Father says I can write whatever I want in you and no one will read it unless I say so, not even him.

Today is my birthday. I'm nine years old. I asked Father if that was too old to be writing in a diary but he said it was the perfect age. So I am going to try and write every day if I can, maybe even more than that. But only if I have something important to say because I don't think I should be filling you up with nonsense.

So what else is important about today? Well, I got some other presents as well, mostly new dresses and a really nice pearl necklace from Grandmother Black. Grandfather Black also gave me some books about magic, even though I'm too young to use a wand by myself and even when I borrow one I'm not allowed to do very much anyway. Father agreed when Grandfather said it was never too early to start practising.

I wonder if this is what I should really be writing here. Diaries are supposed to be where you write your secrets but none of this is really a secret at all. So maybe I should think of something else, something that I haven't ever told anyone.

Oh, I thought of something good. Sometimes I wish Grandfather Black wouldn't get as close to me when he talks because his breath smells really, really bad.

That's a pretty good secret, Diary, so you better make sure no one else ever finds out about it!

* * *

Draco had the decency to feel a bit uncomfortable reading that statement, though he had to admit she did have a point about their grandfather – he could still well remember that foul stench. It didn't exactly make the invasion of privacy feel any better but he knew that wasn't going to stop him, not after all these years of waiting. This was a chance to find out more about her, maybe even come to know her in ways he never had before.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I don't think I can write very long tonight because I'm not feeling very good. My tummy is really sore and I feel like I might throw up. Mother says that Father let me eat too much candy today at the Quidditch game. I wish she wouldn't be mad at him because I really liked it. And she was right there too but didn't say a thing. Of course, she's been acting a bit weird lately. I don't know why.

Another thing I don't know is why there weren't many people watching the game today, even though the Falcons are the best team in the league. I think about half of the seats were empty today and it's never been like that before. But when I asked Father about it he told me not to worry. So I guess I won't but it was still very strange.

The Falcons won though and it was great. Arthur Roranicus is my favourite Quidditch player ever and he caught the Snitch. So even though I don't feel very good now, I am glad that I went to the game.

* * *

Draco frowned at the book for a moment, not sure what to make of that. Lucia was definitely right about it being strange since the Falmouth Falcon fans were known for being as aggressive in their devotion as the team was on the field. He was still perplexed until he turned a few more pages and had the answer suddenly hit him right in the face: these entries were from 1979, when the Dark Lord was at the height of his power the first time.

Suddenly a lot more things began to make sense.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today some of Father's friends came for one of their special meetings. Aunt Bella and Uncle Ruddy came too and Aunt Bella said that I could sit on her lap if I stayed nice and quiet. Mother usually doesn't let me stay but said it would be fine so I promised that I would because I really wanted to know what happened.

It wasn't really very interesting though. They kept talking about Dark Lord again but he didn't come so I still haven't met him. I wanted to ask if I could next time he came but since promised to be quiet I wasn't able to. And then later I tried to ask Father but he said it was impossible and he only says that when he really means it.

But it was nice that Aunt Bella was here and she and Uncle Ruddy stayed for dinner too and Aunt Bella promised to show me some different spells too. She always knows the most amazing ones. Maybe I should go find her now and remind her. Sorry to leave so fast, Diary, but I'll write again soon.

* * *

Reading this was too bizarre. Draco couldn't help but find himself travelling from Lucia's memories to his own, in those dark days when he had become a Death Eater. Even after all this time, he could feel his heart beginning to race, feel sweat beading in his palms. He closed his eyes tight, breathing in deep. He didn't open them again until he felt in control once more.

He turned the page again and again, putting whatever distance he could find. He only stopped when a word jumped out at him.

_Baby_.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Mother is going to have another baby. She and Father just told me today. They said that things are going to change but that it will be a good thing. I don't know about that. It all seems too strange to me right now.

I remember reading in a book about a girl who asked for a puppy for Christmas and then instead got a baby sister. I never asked for either though I wouldn't mind a puppy. That might be fun. But I don't know what to think at all about a baby.

* * *

Dear Diary,

The house-elves finished the baby's room today. Everything in it is blue because it's a boy. Father says that his name is Draco. I wonder if he's going to look like a dragon when he's born.

All everyone talks about is the baby now. Grandmother Malfoy was here the other day and she hardly even talked to me at all. She just wanted to find out how Mother and Draco were doing. And she brought lots of presents too, all for the baby. Everything is all for the baby.

Maybe I should ask Santa to take Draco back.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today Draco was born. I haven't seen him yet but everyone says he is healthy and strong and wonderful. I haven't seen Mother either but everyone says she's doing just fine. Father's been with both of them all day so I haven't even seen him, except for when he came to tell me that it had happened.

I remember when they told me things would be changing but that it would be good. I wasn't sure if I believed it then, especially since things started to change right away and I didn't like any of it. I think I like it even less now.

Grandmother Black said she'll take me to see both Draco and Mother soon. But sometimes she forgets things and she might forget about doing that too.

I sort of hope she does.


End file.
